I want to see this movie.

Now I don’t remember what things were like back in 1980, but my guess is they were pretty different.  Things can’t always have been as bad as they are now, right?   I was home last month helping my parents go through some boxes in Austin just before they moved to Colorado full time and we found the receipt from my hospital stay when I was born.

I was born at Stamford Hospital in Stamford, CT 45 days premature.  I was soon transfered to Yale-New Haven Hospital for an eight day stay in the neonatal intensive care unit.  I was jaundiced and my surfactant was inadequate but a week in the incubator did me some good.  The total cost of my 8 day hospitalization?  $2964.15.  In 2008 dollars that would be $7649.39.   Yet today, that same hospital stay would be approximately $14-19,000.  And if you look closer you’ll see that my entire hospital stay was covered by my insurance.  Would the same be true today?  Luckily, I haven’t been admitted to a hospital since then and I’m hoping that doesn’t change any time soon.

What IS our problem? It seems to me like the American Dream is the primary problem. It establishes that pervasive sense of “me” over “we” that keeps us mired in this mess. I haven’t felt this acutely frustrated with our nation since I lived in Denmark. It just feels hopeless.

Outside of just the mere fact that the countries he visited have free health care (Canada, Britain, France, Cuba) there were a few points that really were so poignant.

In France: fish and vegetables were the chief household expenses after the mortgage in a middle class family
In Britain: health incentives for doctors, the healthier your patient population (getting patients to quit smoking, lower blood pressure) the higher your salary
In Canada: conservatives still believe in the concept of taking care of those less well off
In Cuba: anything I learned about Cuba is new since I was basically taught that it doesn’t exist

On Monday I will start my job providing high quality health care… to rich people’s pets. Mmmmm love that cognitive dissonance.

On Aug. 8 Mr. Nixon announced on national television that he would resign the presidency at noon on Aug. 9. Mr. Ford and his wife watched the Nixon statement on the television set in the family room of their home in Alexandria. Then, despite the looming accumulation of pressures, Mr. Ford went to sleep.

That he could do so, with no particular difficulty, on the eve of the nation’s most unusual presidential transition, was illustrative. “My feeling is you might as well get to sleep” whatever the circumstances, Mr. Ford had said. “You’ll feel better the next day. If you’ve got a problem, you are better prepared to deal with it tomorrow. You sure can’t do much about it that night. It’s a blessing, really.”

I definitely learned more about President Ford from that New York Times article this morning than I ever learned in history class. Unfortunately, the eloquence of the article underscores the fact that it most likely was not written overnight – rather, like the obituaries of many elder famous personalities, it is the product of much advance labor. Regardless, it left me feeling like I wished I’d been alive when he rescued our fractured nation. It sounds so romantic.

As I voted today in the federal elections, I wondered why I’d been unable to motivate to actually cast my vote in the Dartmouth election despite the ballot sitting on my desk for close to two months. I realized it comes down to two key points:

• My ability to perceive “what’s best” for the country or institution.
• My sense that my vote will actually effect change.

What’s Best

With the federal election I have some sense of what I think is best. As much as I fault the two party system, it can reduce elections down to an easy set of choices. Align one’s political, social or financial beliefs with the party that best suits you and vote that party. It doesn’t require much advance research and some states make it even easier by along you to vote the “ticket” rather than selecting individual names. I know that while I may not like any particular candidate, I generally agree with their party’s politics so the decision somehow feels safer.

In contrast, the Dartmouth election was confusing. Despite no fewer than 10 mailings I still really wasn’t 100% certain what a vote for either side meant. But that wasn’t the biggest reason for my uncertainty. In truth I don’t personally know what I think is best for Dartmouth. I had the sense that the election was boiling down to the same two sides that every debate at Dartmouth did: the rich white frat boy old school group vs. the progressive multicultural intellectual new school group. Stodgy old guys who don’t want things to change vs. new people who might to turn Dartmouth into something that alums don’t recognize. I can boil it down to those two sides, but I don’t know which side I support. I struggled with this during my time at Dartmouth and I still do. Part of what I loved about Dartmouth was the “old-schoolness”, the frat parties, the tradition – but those same aspects also gave it the homogeneity and elitism that I’m not sure is such a good thing. All the efforts to intellectualize and diversify Dartmouth felt fake while I was there and more like an attempt to squash all my fun, but I can recognize that in reality they were just trying to fix some of the flaws. Part of me says “it was such a great place why change it?” but the other side says “I can’t believe they still do that?” Essentially I have no sense of “what’s best.”

Effecting Change

My vote in New York City is basically meaningless. Not only were the candidates I voted for all leading or trailing by substantial margin, but I just have a sense (for better or worse) that any individual politician has little impact.

With Dartmouth though either vote seemed like a vote to change something. The margins were slim and I was worried that if I arbitrarily picked one side over the other, things might change that I’d actually regret.

In the end, I realize I probably should have made up my mind and voted in the Dartmouth election. Easier said than done, it seems.

I gave some money. We all should. Is that enough?

I just watched a charming little piece of propaganda billed as a movie on HBO (The Girl in the Cafe). While the movie trailers might have you think the movie is a romantic comedy, it’s really just another plea for progressive action on poverty, debt, and trade at the G8. In short, the female lead uses her unlikely presence at the G8 to stand up for what she believes in, because, quite simply, she hasn’t got anything to lose.

I guess the point of the film is to make people think. So I did some thinking… What do I do to stand up for what I believe in?

Ummm, I wear a white “One” campaign wristband. I’ll explain to people what it means and that they can go to www.one.org to support the One Campaign. A few times a year I’ll give money to something I deem to be a worthy cause. But quite honestly, that’s about it. I haven’t dedicated my time to helping solve any of the large scale problems our world faces. I claim to be of a liberal orientation and I’m quick to bemoan our current government, but at the same time I don’t really do that much. Should I feel guilty for that? Part of me says “yes” I should do more. Part of me says “no” the problems are so big, what could I possibly do to help? I guess maybe I can just chalk this issue up to yet another source of internal conflict.

Right now the list of sources of internal conflict is loooooong. For starters:

• I should drive a hybrid vehicle but I actually drive an premium gas guzzling SUV.
• I should pay for all the music I listen to but I don’t.
• I should eat organic food but I can’t afford to.
• I should use my training/knowledge to help people but I’m more concerned with finally earning a salary.
• I should stop buying goods made in sweatshops but I know I won’t.
• I should never whine about my life when clearly I’m more fortunate than most, but sometimes even my easy life doesn’t seem so easy.
• I should…

At some point, there has to be a balance between doing what I think I should do and what I actually do. I need to be happy with my life, but also need to feel like I’ve done something. I guess every person finds their own balance. Luckily there are some people in the world who are selfless enough to dedicate their lives to helping others. I know I can’t hide behind their work, and I know that saying “it’s too hard” is just an excuse. But, for now, that’s all I can manage. I’ll keep wearing my trendy white wristband.

I’m not entirely sure our tax code makes any sense though.

I earned a TOTAL of $1800 in 2004. That’s less than $5/day and significantly below the poverty line. And yet… I owe $91 in federal taxes. While that’s only 5% of my income, it still seems unreasonable that I would have to pay taxes on such a small income. Luckily, $91 isn’t going to break the bank and I’ll survive to pay more taxes in future years, but it just doesn’t seem right.

I was on a plane to Denver a month ago and after I had settled myself down in my seat, I watched the rest of the passengers boarding. As a group of women in homesewn muslin dresses wearing nametags proclaiming Jesus Christ their Savior and bearing the name of their elder walked past, I felt something akin to loathing wash over me. I was sort of appalled at myself for having this visceral reaction, particularly towards a generally inoffensive law-abiding group as these young Christians. As I thought about it I realized that I was projecting my own frustration with politics in this country upon these women. I was blaming them for George W. Bush’s reelection, when in fact, more than half the voting population is responsible. When I think back on the past few years, I think I actually know where I went wrong…

In the fall of 2000, I spent four month living in Copenhagen, Denmark. My memories of my time there are not merely viewed through rose-colored glasses – my mental image of Denmark practically has a halo of perfection surrounding it. The country was clean, the air was clear, the people were beautiful, the people rode bikes to work and waited for lights at crosswalks. I was almost certain that Denmark was the closest the world could get to the embodiment of a Utopia. The day I arrived (as a student with a visa) I was issued a health care card and assigned a doctor near my residence. As part of my sociology class, we learned all about end-of-life care and eldercare provided free of charge for citizens. In my political science class we learned about the numerous political parties that are represented in the Folketing (Parliament) and studied the ground breaking environmental legislation set forth. It all almost seemed to good to be true. Certainly Denmark has issues of its own. A nation which once existed as 5 million citizens who looked alike, spoke the same language, and practiced (or didn’t practice) the same religion, is today facing some of the issues posed by an influx of foreign immigrants (mostly from Turkey). But it was my impression that these issues would be gradually resolved so long as the immigrants accepted the premise of the welfare state mentality: pay 70-80% income tax and you’ll be well taken care of. It sure sounds like a lot, but hearing that teachers and doctors are paid approximately the same salary seemed like just one evidence that it’s worth it. After all, where’s the logic in saving someone’s life just to send them to a school system that sets them up for failure because the teachers who care aren’t paid enough to subsist. AND… the people seemed happy! Of the students I spoke to, there didn’t seem to be as wide a range of socioeconomic variation as I’ve experienced in the US. There were certainly those who had more than others, but the pursuit of having more didn’t seem to occupy the same lofty position. So then, after living for 4 months in this seeming perfection, I returned to the US – to a country whose election turmoil had just been decided by the Supreme Court (democracy? election by the people?). It was a hard pill to swallow…

At the time I thought, “How bad can it be? George W. Bush seems like an entertaining guy – I’m sure he’ll have smart people backing him up.” And I always really liked Colin Powell! The truth is, I’m not really sure that it’s gotten all that bad. I don’t agree with the premise of the war in Iraq and I find the lack of renewal of the assault weapons ban, the repealing of important protective environmental legislation, and the lowering of taxes (among other things) completely irresponsible and nearly abhorrent, but I’m not convinced that “things” are so different. What I’m most upset about, the wound that was reopened and salted in November, is that the system is just so blatantly not designed for honest discourse. I know that the US is never going to be like Denmark – that model is hardly applicable, but the realization that we’re trapped in this stagnant two party system where all that matters is money is depressing. There are plenty of other political parties and great political minds in this country who will never have a voice. So what to do? Where to go with all these thoughts?

I don’t want to have a fatalistic attitude and I don’t want to be so diametrically opposed to half the population. Last summer someone told me I was “such a Northerner” – by which I think they meant liberal intellectual who wears cashmere turtleneck sweaters. As a person who certainly has biases against “Southerners” or “born-again Christians” it felt weird to be on the receiving end of the bias. In reality, these labels all seem pretty stupid. What I’m hoping is that maybe sometime soon I’ll just feel like an “American” again and stop wishing so desperately that I were actually Danish.