I Hate You, Nike Chick

My apartment has some great features (read: flaws). You know, things like mold growing on the bathroom ceiling, no window screens, and elevators with minds of their own. By far my favorite feature is the room key. It is, in fact, not a key at all – rather it is one of those absurdly annoying plastic hotel key cards. Why is this key card so great?

• it expires monthly, without warning
• it won’t work if it comes in contact with any other card with a magnetic strip
• if they have to make my roommate a new key (see above) mine stops working
• the plastic coating peels off in a way that you can’t help but pick at
• the picture on the card is a nike factory store ad (why?!)
• you can see the nike chick’s nipples
• only 20% of the front desk staff knows how to make new cards

Routinely the expiration or demagnetization happens when I’m carrying a million bags of groceries, when I’m late for work, or when I’m coming home from an 18 hour day. Sometimes it just sets me right over the edge of sanity.